Helllo sweetthang [12 Jul 2004|08:45pm] well been gone for two weeks just been getting in, living out of a bag is alright. Well know I'm home getting all confused and stuff. But I don't have that much to say other than I had this really crazy ass dream last night at Allies. So all my freinds and family where on the top ofthis huge knobly mt. and you had to go upthis really high steps to get to this huge mt house that was relaly old with everyone in it. My old drama teacher Mrs.Winters was there and we were all watchign a play. Then I had to get done but the only way you could get down was to walk really slow and look for the invisible steps that come out to you when you walk slow. If you try and hurry the steps will turn into a slide and you will slide into a bunch of throns.I dropped one of my shoes and had to go back and get it after being at the house with everyone. And there were ab unch of staris on the way up. There was sets undearther only one you can walk on. It was soo crazy. One day I'm gonna make a movie out of all my crazy dreams. I had a really fun time with you =) post comment

Mistakes with you [17 Jun 2004|10:02am] [ mood | cynical ] awww, well once again i'm awake and everyone else is asleep. I wish I could really sleep in but I go to bed at like 12 b/c I'm sleepy and got nothing else to do and then Marla wakes me up in the mornings wanting to play so its kinda a lost cause for me its seems.Today is already Thursday and I can't believe it, this weekend is my recital and i'm scared b/c i don't really know what's going on but at the same time i'm really relieved b/c I need a break from dance. Well mainly I really just dont want to have any responsibilities right now.AWw this stupid dog at the top of my street won't shut the hell up, it just keeps barking and barking non stop all night and day. I don't understand why don't they give it a bone or a toy or maybe just play with it. Well nothing exciting has happened other then i'm grounded, but not really anymore. Its all a matter of trust. My parents just don't trust me and are "worried" about me and the choices I make when they are not around.Which is a good point b/c i'm kinda worried to. I don't make good choices ever, and that's a very sad thing to have to face. What upsets me more is that I really am not doing to much to change that. That's because right now I don't want to have any responsibilities. They are not in the best interest for me. I just turned 17 and still want to face life as a child. Well Actually lately I have been trying to make good choices. Starting with the ones I know and have known are not good. My relationships with people. Well see I don't really feel like I have a single good relationship with anyone right now. They are all fucked up and retarded with no trust and not really much effort either from either side. I don't know what it is but it seems that no one really cares. So why should I. Well i'm out post comment

o snap [13 Jun 2004|12:30am] alright, so this might be lame..but I got something to bitch about and since this asswipe claims i'm a bitch I can say whatever the fuck i wan to this shit hole.So what's up you fucking idoit...you stopped harressing me, you get scared mother fucker.h aha ha ha ha GOOD. You ain't shit and if you got shti to say mother fucker say it to me face, don't be a pussy if you are gonna be a bitch. You are about stupid as hell but I can't help you there. I hope you get a life and realize that you are a fuck up the highest extenet(never forget that) and one day your are gonna day and you are gonna go the hell and I will laugh...so EAT ME BITCHES! O shit, O shit post comment

o my god [13 Jun 2004|12:22am] so havn't typed in a long time...been busy..being grounded..woot woot! Well I'm just hanging out tonight coming in from Brentt Roach's house and met some intresting ppl. Also hung out with some old friends and some crazy shit happened...bad stuff. Well I hope everyone is having a great summer, this are the best days of our lives..remember that 2005. I can't wait to be a SR. i'm gonna love that shit..I'm gonna go crazy awwwww! APEX SR's 2005...here we go.Aight well i'm out. O yea i'm 17, hell yea. peace out ~one love~ Rachel Lee Dickinson P.S. I love Ashley oldham...Rachel, tell Ashley about the mole lady... Family Guy...Kevin (soda shop) post comment

Yo Yo Yo [23 May 2004|06:28pm] Wow, I have not written in this thing in a long time. i have been busy with Dance and school.Well summer is almost here i'm so ready. I'm going to the beach this weekend, I'm excited it will be fun. Well I need all the luck I can get on my exams. I'm outti post comment

xoxo [12 Apr 2004|10:09pm] *I love you to the moon and back to the dirt...*Many animals live in the sea,such as whales*baby Kelly*Love Song*Amber*One Call*You are my sunshine my only sunshine*Sweetpea* Thank You so much for everything you have done for me! post comment

Hello love [11 Apr 2004|01:11pm] Hey guys what's up? How's life for everyone?? Great I hope. Well I hope everyone has had a great Spring Break and a wonderful Easter. i love so many ppl you know who you are never forget the love! Smile everyone post comment

[08 Apr 2004|10:46pm] Hey, how's it going guys? Well not to much here. I just wanted to say what's up to everyone in Apex b/c i'm not there. I'm here in New Bern and its cool. But I miss my love. I just had the best days of my life with the person I love very much!!!I had so much fun and can't wait to go on another trip to the MTs its gonna super! i love you from the mooon back to the drit =). Aight well i'm gonna go see you later ppl. post comment

hang around that crack house [05 Apr 2004|07:09pm] so this crazy fucker who is gonnna harrass me forever,you are real cool.and honestly I don't give a fuck what you say b/c you can't even tell me to my face #1 and #2 you can't leave your name b/c you are to much of a pussy,so in the end fuck you,you suck at life. So today I want to UNCW, it was pretty straight down there. Nice weather some really hot guys and good food. I'm hoping if i got there it will be a lot of fun but we will see.Tomorrow I"m going to ECU then beachn' it with some great people. This spring break has been aight so far. Had some intresting experiences say some pretty fun crazy shit and hope to have some more intresting experiences before this week is over. Aight well i'm outti Peace Love 3 comments|post comment

[03 Apr 2004|11:39pm] How can anyone take you seriously when you can't even but your name next what you think...don't be a bitch leave your name 3 comments|post comment

[03 Apr 2004|11:47am] Aight whoever the fuck you are who has all this shit to say to me about how you leave your name if you got shit to say then leave your name. 1 comment|post comment

NA [28 Mar 2004|07:50pm] I havn't entered an entry in this thing in forever. Maybe b/c I found out that there are a lot more people hate me then I knew.But whatever,so my life is shit right now. I lost my retainers,wrecked my car(again),and general just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. Why should I give a fuck when its so damn pointless...More and More I see the bullshit around me,I see the dishonesty from me and everyone around me. How can i feel safe in a world like this. Lying,it sucks you in,once you start you can't stop b/c then you don't have to accept responsibility for anything...in the past few weeks I have seen couples cheat on eachother, people steal money from eachother, people lie about who they are, where they are at and what the real deal is.And I'm apart of all of it and I accept that. The only people I can't be honest with are my parents. I can never be turly honest with them. I envy kids who can tell their parents what's really going on, cuz those people usually are honest about themselves. I'm gonna pound honesty into my kids,not to be scared of it.But whatever I'm gonna go do nothing b/c that's waht I do now.I'm outti 4 comments|post comment

Who the fuck are you? [29 Jan 2004|04:20pm] alright so I got a really strange message on my comments for the frist journal. And who ever the fuck you are...get a life! And if you got shit to say to me then you better fucking say it to me face pussy. Nobody asked your god damn opinion...and I don't give a fuck what you say but if you are gonna be an asshole for no reason I wanna know who you are so I can hate you.You most likly don't know me all so SHUT THE FUCK UP COCK EATER...o yea lick my cunt.did I ever say I was a drug hippie...No...I am my own person...and I wanna know the names of these people who also belive this b/c if that's true then I'm coming off the worng way to people and I wanna know....so thanks for your gay ass opinion... 2 comments|post comment

Whattup Homes...? [27 Jan 2004|06:30pm] Yo, man I'm really starting to hate snow. I mean snow is cool but ice blows.We don't have school yet again tomorrow. Which sucks b/c that takes two days in Feb. which would have been cool to have.I really have been wanting to go sking with all this coldness. Plus I have been spending way to much time with my parents.But I changed my room around and I'm gonna keep changing it for awhile...it will be fun.Aight well I'm off to make some smokin' ass chocolate chip cookies and watch some moives.I"m outti "You are your own rainbow" Superstar post comment

My gay feelings... [21 Jan 2004|03:32pm] mmm today was a pretty mindless day so far. I went to school did what I had to do. Well things change more and more each day. The feelings I have for certain people that used to mean the world to me... our ties are slowly being broken. I didn't think my emotions could be played with this much, and I didn't think that it would go on for a year but it has and now it is time to end it all. I realized that I was only holding on to someone and something that wasn't even right for me I had not wanted it for a long time. I held on b/c in the beginning I said I would. But some promises must be broken, ones that are made when not all is understood. Now my emotions have moved on to someone else. But it feels like a trap already. The worst feeling in the world is to care about someone and never be able to tell them. To be vulnerable to someone with so much power they don't even know they have. someone like me who freaks out if they are not in control can't handle situations like this well at all. I think about it sometimes... should I go out on a limb and just say how I feel or just keep it to myself and it will go away? Honestly I wish it would go away, for the last thing I want is to have a commitment to anyone. I don't want to date or have a boyfriend I just want my feelings to be known...how do you do something like that...how do you tell a person...O yea I'm really into you but I don't want to have anyting to do with you...could my feelings be anymore confusing?? Everything is whirling past me and I feel so lost. What a shitty feeling. Ok so yea I have a lot of crazy feelings but ya know what else sucks more....living in a household with Don and Lu dickinson. I have learned more about hate then how to love in this house. I think many people would agree with me on the hatred I have for my parents. I guess the thing I hate the most is how they stress me out. Right now I'm more than stressed out. Life in general is at a pivotal point and some of the choices I make now could effect the rest of my life. One issue i have is getting a job. I don't mind getting a job,its that I owe my parents almost 2,000.00 in car repairs. Once again I feel out of control. The idea of actually making about 2,000 with a job that I only work friday's and Saturdays is almost inconceivable. And I am to determined to pay my parents back for ever last cent the ever invested in me.I never want any strings attached to them. i never want to have to do something b/c my parents gave me money for it. I never want to hear these fucking words again " you have no respect for money or us, you are selfish and only care for yourself"...so fuck them...One day when they are old, i'm gonna send there old asses to a horrible retirement home...and they will suffer... So I have a lot of angry today and that is just how it is... 1 comment|post comment

Gay [20 Jan 2004|03:49pm] wow what a shitty effing day. Frist day back to apex high school from a weekend break. And what a great weekend it was. From Jeff's house to the Rasta man's house to Ashley's house it was great. I had much fun being pretty fucked up all weekend...YEA...so I got nothing to do now but school work...gay...Well I'm pretty stressed out about my effing U.S. history class, why is it so hard? O well i gotta go study for it. Peace out Niggas post comment

Fuck Shit Hell [13 Jan 2004|08:36pm] Damn...sorry but I gotta write this junk over again. Ok Well today was a normal day as I said in my last one that was deleted.and you know what that is all i'm gonna say for today b/c I'm lazy b/c i had a lot of intresting stuff in the last one but you know what you will have to wait till tomorrow to here anything at all. Ok fuck shit hell I'm outti. post comment

I know this is a gay movie title but :how to deal?? [12 Jan 2004|03:38am] [ mood | bored ] so this is my first journal entry. I guess i'm excited, but how should I feel about everyone I know reading what I really have to say.But then again I'm a pretty dull person and mainly I will discuss the interesting experiences in my life. Many of these experiences will deal with times when I have enlightened myself to an experience of total disarray through plants.I dunno some people find other peoples mistakes interesting. I like to make my own thank you. But anyways I'm just gonna say a little about my day. I went to school,I woke up this morning thinking to myself where the fuck am I and way is it so dark and I don't want to move b/c I'm warm ( do all people have such unhappy thoughts when they wake up?) Well went to school driven by my neighbor because I still don't have my god forsaken car. But good news I will have car on Friday because my parents are going out of town for the weekend and leaving me here with my 21 year old sister who has to work all day Friday, Saturday and Sunday. This will be a good weekend.Ok so I went to school it was cold and boring during 3rd period I woke up to" I go walking after midnight"...you know the song to little stick figures doing very strange bobbing moves, I was somewhat bewildered by all this and could not exactly explain where I was( again). I then went to 4th period to fail a very hard quiz that I did study for,And now I am here...at home writing a very gay paper on Universal Design. Plus I have dance tonight and I'm dreading b/c my ankles are so fucked up right now. Ok real quick there is someone out there that needs everyones prayers,he is one of the best people in the world and he needs your help,so just pray!Well this is the end of my first live journal. yes this is not interesting at all and you are right I don't have good writing skills but hey do what you want as long as it makes you happy. The End... "Overcome the devils with a thing called love" Bob Marley 7 comments|post comment

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